It is 3am. A burglar is walking along with a wheely bin full of loot.
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There is a man standing on a street corner
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Man Hi!
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Burglar Hi!
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Man How are things?
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Burglar Don’t ask, you haven’t seen me
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Man And you haven’t seen me either. Are you interested in some cheap coke?
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Burglar Sorry mate. I can’t do that stuff anymore. I’ve got responsibilities. I’m settling down.
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Man Come on mate. It’ll take your mind off things.
I’ll tell you what, I’ll give you a seven days free trial.
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Burglar Can I cancel at any time?
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Man Of course you can….Just fill in this direct debit form. Let’s say £19.99 a month. You get seven days free, then cancel any time within your statutory rights.
You can’t go wrong…
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Burglar I don’t know….I don’t want to get hooked again…I’ve got responsibilities…
It’s a nightmare ! All five of my girlfriends have got themselves pregnant. They all need looking after…
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Man Is that why you’re out on night work?
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Burglar Ten mouths to feed…I’m out every night filling up wheelies with loot….It’s constant…No sort of life…
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Man What’ve you got? Laptops, Alexas..?
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Burglar Nah..Patty, milk, persimmons, Pimms, artisan bread…It’s all students round here. Rich pickings. They don’t even know they’ve been done
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Man Yeah, me as well. That’s why I’m here. They’ll all be back from town soon. Too pissed to realise what they’re signing up to.
I sell them the stuff as sherbet fountains. Don’t even know or care what they’re taking.
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Burglar I’ve seen them – dead drunk
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Man That’s right – some of them do get deaded. I ave to make meself scarce for a few days, while mummy and daddy sort out their poor little dead darlings
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Burglar Poofters! Soft as shite!
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Man It soon blows over though and I’m back to feeding the drunken snorters
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Burglar Talking of feeding the snorters, I’ve got to take this lot over to girlfriend number one. I’ll try and do another four loads tonight
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Man You work hard you poor old sod
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Burglar I’ll get some kip during the day I hope
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Man I’ve got some pills to help you there mate. Are you sure I can’t sign you up. I’m cheaper than the internet – and it keeps your weight down
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Burglar Nah, as you can see I’m already getting a lot of exercise. I want to keep to a healthy lifestyle
……Burglar moves on past Man ………
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Man Hey mate!
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Burglar What?
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Man We’re like shits that pass in the night!
……..Both laugh loudly ……….
Burglar Shush – we’ll wake the neighbours!