I am Ms Prenderghast
The Comedy Librarian!
I’ve always been a bit of a reluctant librarian
Don’t get me wrong – I love my job, but I’ve always had this wicked rebellious streak as well.
I’m always trying new things, but it is like I’m attached to librarianship with this whopping great immensely powerful elastic band.
I get so far and then it drags it back to my rightful place.
I was always good with words at school. I entered a poetry competition and wrote a magnificent piece about the coming of spring.
Then one of my teachers accused me of copying it off of Percy Shelly. I was confused – He’s not even in my class.
I thought to myself she must mean Percy Wanless, but he’s useless. I was so cross.
Ah…the unopened buds of thwarted ambition…That was in my poem…good isn’t it!
I do enjoy making people laugh. That’s what gave me the idea of comedy as my next big effort to defy that elastic band.
Yes I’m quite a celebrity in the local community.
We got this warning memo round. It warned that a man had been entering libraries, and making improper suggestions to library staff concerning ladies intimate underwear.
He often poses as a clergyman.
He had been doing it for some time without being caught and had become well known as the ‘Knicker Vicar’
Honestly, the things that we have to put up with….
But then one afternoon, this shifty looking man in religious gear came into the library. There was something strange about him. I noticed that he was careful only to walk on the black floor tiles – not quite all there, I thought.
He busied himself in the literature shelves tutting and sighing to himself, and then he sidled up to the desk.
I was on my guard!
He whispered in my ear
‘I need Nicholas Nickleby’ he said
I saw red and sprang into action. He didn’t stand a chance.
Gotcha! Mr Knicker Vicker I gleefully shouted, as I raced behind him and forced him into an arm lock. He struggled to get free but before long I had him pinned against the desk with my knee in his back and his cassock hoisted around his neck.
‘Now whose knickers are on display’ I said to him mockingly as I called for back up.
‘Let go of me at once’ he cried ‘I am a man of God, I’m here to research the life of Charles Dickens’A likely story! I thought to myself.
I’m a local hero, I’ve caught the knicker vicar. Fame at last, I might even get to be Librarian of the Month.The public inquiry was embarrassing.
It turned out that I had carried out an unprovoked attack on the Bishop of Notts and Lincs, the renowned Dickens scholar. The Bishop took the opportunity to display his goodness and generosity. He forgave me my trespasses in a special service of reconciliation
Despite my embarrassing mistake with the Bishop of Notts and Lincs, I became quite a celebrity, especially when I was offered a job with the Sisters of Justice travelling wrestling troupe.
I nearly took it up, but the elastic band kicked in again when I was re-instated at the library.
The Knicker Vicar still hasn’t been unfrocked, but I like to think that he has been warned off by my antics.
I seem to attract strangeness though because of my notoriety.
A man came up to me and whispered ‘can I smell your feet?’ A change of tactics from the Knicker vicar I thought, or just another wierdo?
Anyway, after the affair with the Bishop of Notts and Lincs I thought that I had better be more c-ooperative. I was in a bit of a frisky mood. I played along with it. He was a bit pervy, but what the heck, live dangerously I thought. I found him strangely alluring with his mysterious interest in lower appendages.
I started to take off my stockings and shoes, in a provocative manner, I thought, intended to heighten his desire.
Clearly he couldn’t take any more passion. ‘You’re making it worse!’ he shouted. Your feet are really pungent’ and he ran off out of the library never to be seen again.
Make your mind up, I thought. Men are strange, I can’t make any sense of them.
What a life – so full of excitement! I still live my parents you know. I’ve got lots of stories about them. I’ve not got time to tell you now, but visit ahhalife.life to find out more.
I have been, and still am , Josephine Prenderghast, the Comedy Librarian.
If you haven’t had enough of me go to ahhalife.life
Thank you Newcastle!