February 28th 2018

Stand Comedy Club, Newcastle upon Tyne

Despite the heavy snow and transport disruption caused by ‘The Beast from the East’, the show must go on….
Sadly many of Josephine’s fans were unable to get to Newcastle to see the live show..
So here is the text
We will be posting a video on that You Tube thingy, and on the ahhalife.life website so please look out for that….

I am Ms Prenderghast
Josephine Prenderghast
You know
The Comedy Librarian!
I’ve always been a bit of a reluctant librarian
Don’t get me wrong – I love my job, but I’ve always had this wicked rebellious streak as well.
I’m always trying new things, but it is like I’m attached to librarianship with this whopping great immensely powerful elastic band.
I get so far and then it drags it back to my rightful place.

One of the things I wanted to do was to be the world motor cycle champion.

I got myself a powerful motor bike and all the leather gear. I spent a fortune.
There I was, nudging up to doing the ton along the A19, the roar of the engine, the flash of the speed cameras, and then that bloody elastic band got me didn’t it.
Phut…phut…phut….phut (that’s the engine cutting out by the way) and I freewheeled over to the hard shoulder and got off the bike.
There was me with my dreams of World Domination shattered

My luck changed when the AA Man finally showed up. He was a beast and a half alright. The bike was a write-off but he took me for a ride on his low loader. We dated for a while, but he was always on the job.
The final straw came when the letters came about my attempt to do the ton. Gerry suggested that I went on a speed awareness course rather than pay the fines.
I’m sorry I said, I won’t have anything to do with drugs. I paid up and that was the end of that relationship.

So how on earth was I going to cope with my loss and get over my disappointment?
Well, I got myself a pedal cycle. No gears, upright, attractive wicker basket. And then me perched on it in crash helmet and full leather gear complete with gauntlets and boots.
All that extra weight makes me a bit wobbly and I have a tendency to topple over when I stop, but it is really useful for my commute to the library.
But I do wish people wouldn’t point so much….
Then there is this lollipop man who has got me in his sights. When he sees me coming he waits until I’m a few feet away and then marches out in front of me holding his lollypole aloft. He goes into hysterics as he sees me wobble and topple.

All the little kids join in the laughter as I have to grab on to his pole to stop myself falling off the bicycle.

You know, I didn’t think my destiny was librarianism
At primary school I imagined my future as a glamorous film star…
There was to be a grand day of acting on the last day of term.
Our class put on a medical drama.
I imagined myself being whisked off to Hollywood by a talent scout who just happened to be in Primdale Primary School
My teacher was called Miss Jeffers, I remember that she was a nice kind lady, all soft and round
She was so keen to involve all the kids that some of us were cast as fixtures and fittings, pieces of equipment and so forth.
James Scott was a bed screen I seem to recall, and Pedro Saunders was part of the wall…because he had big sticky out ears.
What were you then? …….I hear you call
I was one of the drips!!
I was mortally wounded….
How could I brightly shine playing a medical device?
Well….luckily I was placed over the star of the show…
James Nail I think he was called….
I tried to draw attention to myself with some gurgles and sloshing noises..
Jimmy said….
What the hell are you doing?
Actually we were only 6, so he really said (in a little squeaky voice)…….What are you doing Jojo Prendi ghost?

I whispered….
Be quiet little Jimmy….I’m method acting…..lay back and learn something…
………. But it must have been terrible – much much worse – for little Annie Pickles
She had to pretend to be a catheter….
She was tiny, less than two feet tall
it must have been painful …

So my latest attempt to free myself from the dreaded elastic band is to be a Comedy Librarian.
I’ve no idea when I’ll be catapulted back to my library desk, but I hope we have a lot of laughs before that happens

I have been, and still am , Josephine Prenderghast, the Comedy Librarian.
If you haven’t had enough of me go to ahhalife.life
Thank you Newcastle!

(Rapturous applause follows the triumphant exit from the stage)

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